Do you ever get the call to a certain place? The inner calling that just doesn’t go away until you surrender and visit the place. Recently I was pulled toward this place, The Priory of St Mary and St Michael is commonly known as Cartmel Priory. As we travelled toward village of Cartmel we passed many historical, stone buildings and new modern signs of the times, one of these was a new Starbucks with its familiar logo at the side of the road, but I will come back to that later….
The feel of the Priory is soft, contemplative, and devotional. There is a sense of femininity and a weaving of the Marion energies that seem to create a state of profound gentleness. The other aspect of significance to me was the image of a Goddess in the choir stalls. While the stalls have fabulous symbology with curious carvings throughout, this figure seemed to create a celebration of the feminine nature with more zeal and deliberation.
Medieval Mermaids
The carvings are “hidden in plain sight”, under each seated of the choir stalls, dated to the 15th century. The intricate details of the carvings are not of a Cumbrian landscape of that era. There are lions, palm leaves, faces, plant life and a mermaid, in the 15th century choir stalls. At first I thought the figure of the mermaid was of Yemoja or Mami Wata, with a comb and mirror, also symbolic to Aphrodite. It was a strange curiosity to find this image here in a medieval monastic place of workship! But on a little delving into mermaid history in churches in the British Isles there are other misericords with carvings that are similar at Tewkwsbury, Carlisle and Zennor in Cornwall. But this mermaid has two tails!
In medieval art it is said that a mermaid with two tails is a Melusine. The myth of the Melusine weaves through French, English and Scottish royalty, and as far back as Queen Isabella I of Jerusalem. This is a storyline that was known throughout the ancient worlds at the time of the Crusades. It is a myth that links the Crusaders, to the Royal Houses, and a familiar story of the Merovingian dynasty holding the bloodline from Mary Magdalene.
Is it a coincidence that the founder of Cartmel Priory, is believed to be a Knight’s Templar! I think it is a treasure trove of antiquity curioso, the stuff that good storytelling is made from. So William Marshal, the Knight was known to have escorted Eleanor of Aquitaine when they were ambush. William fought for her safety and was captured himself. Eleanor survived and paid ransom for William Marshal’s release. His career in the royal court ascended from this moment. So the link between the mermaid, the melusine? The water spirit or water fairy of the medieval culture was linked to the royal houses throughout Europe. One story is that a maternal line was weaved through the House of Aquitaine, a Queen who was a melusine, who could transform into the two tailed beauty. The story stretches all over Europe as the sirens, nymphs, mermaids tales thread through Medieval royalty. The first time I heard about the melusine, was from Margaret Starbird‘s books, the divinity schooled researcher on Mary Magdalene. She found similar images from the 1250s displayed in Alsace-Lorraine, France, which was once the seat of power for Merovingian kings.
Maybe you are reading this, and thinking, “now that is a stretch too far, she is seeing what she wants to see!”. But these were legends of that time and what we do have is one of these images sitting in a choir stall, carved during the 15th century, in a small village in Cumbria. Let’s face it, there are some stories we either do and don’t entertain, and why is that?, a man with a white beard flying through the sky at Christmas is ok? But a carving of a melusine linking the Augustinian Order to a medieval legend, and a Royal dynasty with Mary Magdalene? a step too far? I agree, that it is quite a thing to be suggesting, that the trail of Mary Magdalene makes a pit stop at Morecambe bay?! This is not St Baumne! But what a glorious well hidden, well executed secret, for so long, if it is. But what about the melusine? We do accept, daily, on the side of a coffee cup, the logo of this medieval legend and I saw this logo as I travelled towards the Priory on that day. There is a newly build Starbucks that had just erected the sign as we passed on the route that day. How did that happen to be part of the full circle story!
Starbucks.com logo Google images
Symbology in the Choir Stalls
But let’s not stop there, how about a Saracen dagger and an ear. I am definitely making the leap to the Saracen and St.Peter. When I first saw this, how could I not think, Malchus, the servant to the high priests who was stuck by Peter the Apostle.
I invite you to read the images for yourself with your own inner wisdom. What I do know, is that the Augustinian order had links to William Marshal. William was a Crusader, and travelled to Jerusalem, to Temple Mount.
Augustinian Monks
The stories of the Augustinian Monks say that they were an Order active within the community. They assisted the poor, supported agriculture and provided spiritual worship. One story states that the Monks would go out in a storm to help rescue fishermen and those in trouble at sea. They would risk their own lives rescuing others. There have been sightings from around the Bay area of the ghostly figures still to this day. Of hooded figures wearing dark robes spotted on misty coast roads, walking inland through the disorientated weather from stormy seas.
The final story is one of martyrdom. The loss of life is such a horrific way at the dissolution of monasteries. Their story ends at Gallows Hill, in Lancaster as part of the Pilgrimage of Grace.
History of this land and the Priory.
In 674 the land is bequeathed to St. Cuthbert by King Egfrith of Northumbria. First church established and dedicated to St. Michael.
By 1189 the finished Cartmel Priory is founded by William Marshal. A known Knight’s Templar who is buried at the Temple Church London (1219)
Throughout the 13 and 14 hundreds there are additional building works and renovations due to raids and ruin. Henry VIII dissolves the monasteries. The Priory monks are expelled and the King’s commissioners remove all assets, even stripping the roof lead. Villagers petition the King to spare the church. The monks and 10 laymen are hung, drawn and quartered at Lancaster for treason. For the next 2 hundred years the Priory is restored bit by bit by the village, in the 1600s Cromwell’s men do further damage after the village is steeped in poverty and famine, but they somehow keep up the restorations as they view this Priory as their church their holy ground. By the 1800s the Priory is in need of extensive restoration and work is done through out this period to restore major works that have brought this Priory into the 21st century.
The Greatest Knight
William Marshal was a famous character in medieval Britain. One of the wealthiest and most powerful owning estates throughout the country and acting as Regent, King’s negotiator and influential to the writing of the Magna Carter. His name of the time, (in French) is Guillaume le Maréchal.
Around the age of twelve, when his father’s career was faltering, he was sent to the Château de Tancarville in Normandy to be brought up in the household of William de Tancarville, a great magnate and cousin of young William’s mother. Here he began his training as a knight. This would have included biblical stories, Latin prayers, and exposure to French romance literature to confer precepts of chivalry upon the future knight. In 1166, he was knighted on campaign in Upper Normandy. In 1168 he served in the household of his mother’s brother, Patrick, Earl of Salisbury. Later that year Patrick was escorting Queen Eleanor on a journey near the boundary of her province of Aquitaine and Marshal was part of the escort. They were ambushed by Guy de Lusignan who was trying to capture Queen Eleanor, Patrick was killed but Queen Eleanor escaped. He would remain a member of Queen Eleanor’s household for the next two years, taking part in tournaments and increasing his reputation as a chivalrous knight.
In 1182 he vowed to take up the cross and undertake a crusade to the Holy Land, and after receiving Henry II’s blessing. Marshal left for Jerusalem in late 1183, nothing is known of his activities during the two years he was gone.
1186 William rejoined the court of King Henry II, the King gave William the large royal estate of Cartmel in Cumbria.
He was promised the hand in marriage and estates of Isabel de Clare (c.1172–1220), Marshal married the 17-year-old daughter of Richard de Clare (Strongbow). Her father had been Earl of Pembroke, and Marshal acquired large estates and claims in England, Wales, Normandy and Ireland. The marriage transformed the landless knight from a minor family into one of the richest men in the kingdom, a sign of his power and prestige at court.
William was included in the council of regency which King Richard appointed on his departure for the Third Crusade in 1190. Marshal served the king in his wars in Normandy against Philip II. On Richard’s death-bed, the king designated Marshal as custodian of Rouen and of the royal treasure during the interregnum. On 11 November 1216 at Gloucester, upon the death of King John, William Marshal was named by the king’s council to serve as protector of the nine-year-old King Henry III, and regent of the kingdom.
Fulfilling the vow he had made while on crusade, he was invested into the order of the Knights Templar on his deathbed. He died peacefully on 14 May 1219 at Caversham. He was buried in the Temple Church in London, where his tomb can still be seen. You find more information on William Marshall on Wikipedia.
Shadow work takes on many different levels. I have been diving into my own shadow work for a number of years and although it can sound frightening, it has a multitude of benefits for self-care and self-soothing.
It has been a way to navigate my sensitivities when I sense restriction to my outer world. This comes into my awareness when I see myself holding back and blocking my experience of something. Through shadow work I can look into this tightening or holding, in a way that is not overwhelming or challenging, but more playful and expressive. It has been a way to expand a little and a little more, so I feel I can cope with the movements I choose to put into play.
Shadow work takes on many layers of depth, sometimes it is a little like sticking my head under the bed to take a look at what is hiding down there. Other times it is a deeper dive underground to come into an awareness of a bigger issue that has been following me around and I have recognised the patterning of when it keeps showing up. That could be as a number of traits for a few weeks or a pattern recycling itself over years.
Shadow work helps reveal the parts we repress, hide, ignore or dislike. It is defined as a way of deepening awareness of oneself. As Carl Jung describes it, shadow work is introspection made spiritual, it is the unknown dark side of our personality, it has been here all along.
The practice I am sharing with you today is one of those under the bed moments. It is a check in to identify my personality traits that I am unsure about, the things that I sometimes feel I repress, hide from the world as they are in my current view, that of the “unsociable” tendencies that I think I get labeled in a world of social norms and “acceptable” or “friendly” behaviours.
I have played with this practice, not just for my true nature but to observe the menstrual cycle. I am also curious at this time to question if this can be true to menopause too. Do we still have the cyclical traits of introvert and extrovert, like the dark moon and full moon even when the menses have stopped? This creates a whole different paradigm of shadow work. I understand that we move into shadow work or shadow traits in a hormonal flux. It is no coincidence that the drop in hormone levels in the pre-menstrual to menstruation phase even looks like an underground movement. In an observer role I am curious to see if this can be applied not just to pre-menstrual phases but non-menstrual times when we are looking and witnessing the self. Is my restriction due to a menopausal moon phase? If so is that rather radical that I can honour that still as a phenomenon, and what if it does really help me to see this way even when the world seems to view menopause as the great pause!
My main view is that I have identified a restriction inwardly in response to an outwardly condition. So this is how I begin;
List 5 things I consider about myself that I know to be my truth; I am;
Introverted
Quiet
Sensitive
Gentle
Unassuming
Next write down; how could I expand these traits and how could I benefit;
introverted – I see myself sitting back in a group, always going last not first. I could benefit from more community and conversation in a friendly safe space
quiet – I feel I would be comfortable creating more noise in my own space, in private space. I have a wish to exercise my voice more, I could benefit by singing, chanting, mantras as a new practice to explore
sensitive – I recognise when I need soothing for my nervous system, this is a good realisation. I want to revisit my soothing self-care practices and evaluate if they are still right for me
gentle – I see gentle in two ways now, a dimenna and an action. I wish to know more about gentle power and physical power or stamina. I will experiment with my physical power. I want to exercise more and revisit yoga and strengthening exercises
unassuming – to be seen in my own way. I am reflecting on the use of self-expression, the varieties of expression that are not only identified as speaker or voice only expressions of confidence. I am curious about expressive modalities, to channel my expression such as art, painting, drawing, creating.
I accept these traits I have and I love them, integrate them;
I love my introverted intensity and see myself expand and contract according to my needs
I love my quiet soft voice that I can exercise in soft toning, for new spiritual practices such as chants and mantras and prayer and develop a new connection to how I sound and then I can experiment in spaces with others in groups that share these soft expressions .
I love my sensitivity as I know what I can do to soothe myself, my nervous system as and when it is needed, in ways that comfort me.
I love my gentleness from this I can identify my power, my strength and my needs for rest.
I love my unassuming nature, I explore an outward expression of my inward world through creativity, such as new art, drawings and imagery. I can call myself artistic and creative.
The benefit of these exercises, this shadow work is that it does reveal to me aspects that I had not previously considered. For me in this moment I am seeing that I have new paths to explore with chanting and voice work. They are still challenging to me, but they are more in alignment to my true nature and they have some feelings of excitement attached not dread. I can see from this moment that I am creative and have practices to help my expression. I have a need to explore strength and a somatic sense of strength not just an attitude which is a new light for me in this moment. I feel I am at peace when I am creativity, I am curious if this could help in other areas of my life that I am not yet aware of, I now see that this is something to explore.
I hope you have found my insights and personal perspectives interesting as an example of shadow work.
Inspired by the Vale of Shadow Alana Fairchild
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Last night I listened to Dale Allen Hoffman reading Thunder, Perfect Mind, his translation. I sat, took a few deep breathes, opened my heart and listened. I have read this scripture hundreds of times, I have share it for others and every time I am moved to a deeper aspect of connection to the feminine.
Last night this translation connected me those parts that are blocked, that sit in the shadow, the shadow of the feminine. By that I don’t mean the woman. It is the feminine aspects of our human existence that intuitively greets us, holds us. The aspect that remembers the soul and connects to all our passages of time, in this lifetime and others. The pushed down, held back shame of youth, distorted blame, and misguided realms we have walked.
I believe to truly know the deep feminine aspects of ourselves until we can sit in the dark, sit in our shadow, and listen with an open heart. The feminine is longing to be heard, with wisdom and knowledge to break through ❤ and come rolling into us like a thunder roll over the hills.
The shadow is dark and can bring forth the night that brings forth the day.
In my 50th year, my blog posts needed a title change, so I am now “my 50 life”…nope doesn’t have the same ring to it as “my 49 life!” So I need a rethink, or, I need a Pause!
The great Pause as it is now named, the great Pause, the Meno-Pause. I have been sitting with this word for the last week and it has this beautiful meaning to me of sinking my roots deep down into the earth beneath me. I think I may just be onto something here. This is the time to do less and practice, no, not even practice, I correct myself here, do nothing.
When have I ever done nothing? I think back to all the times in my life when I have done something, always done something. I have tried harder, worker longer, put in more, pushed, changed direction, persisted. But when I look back to those challenging times in my 50 years I can now see that at some point doing nothing would have been possible if not the most practical. This menopause to me has always been about life on review, it is the biggest reset point in my existence. And now I can see it most clearly that some of my embodied, arising signals are flashing the pause button.
Imagine you are sat, in a very big comfortable way, (use your own imaginal viewing to dress-this-up now!!!) watching some episodes of your life and in front of the screen is a big button, a pause button. How many times could that button have been pressed for a Pause? But get this, the Pause button isn’t just to pause then play, no, it is to Pause, step away. This I feel is the thread and pull to energetic fatigue I feel, what would happen if I pressed Pause and did sweet nothing? No finishing that book while I sit, no picking up the phone, no lists, no nothing, not even writing or thinking! It is an art to Pause, so join me, create Pause, “what are you doing today?” “Having a Pause”.
What if this is that one thing that is restorative?! That is the answer to the fatigue and exhaustion?! What if the body is wiser than the brain and is shouting just sit, pause and ground yourself right here and now. Put your energetic roots down and watch the grass grow. Big transitions need but spaces of nothingness, be an empty vessel, a hollow bone, allow the world to shine through you, not work from you. Just sit a while longer…..the sweetness of nothing needed, nothing required, nothing to be done.
The Ongo Book p. 29 by Catherine Cadden and Jesse Wiens
There is a sweet feeling, Pegging out the washing Watching my hands age along the line. This inner knowing Of the right way to hang the clothes. Maybe my Grandmothers are talking through me as I peg the next to the next. This pleasing practice, Embedded in my bones, Of the women, the wind, the dazzling sun. Did they have moments like this? Early morning dew in Spring? I imagine my lineage of women,peg to peg, listening to birdsong, looking at their own hands year after year. My line of coastal dwellers, Salty air, Swinging clothes in sunlight, Clothes of colours to old worn comforts. Seagulls hovering for a bit of bread, The dry lines and cold fingers, Their hands, My hands, Now look the same.
We have a healing ritual from the ancient medicine women in our own homes. The ancient Miriams, the Maryam, or the Marys are believed to be plant medicine women who worked with the energy of plant and water. Here I am calling upon the woman with the alabaster jar, with spikenard at the house in Mark 14:3, Mary Magdalene and Mother Mother, the women who prepared spices and perfumed oils (in Luke 23:55), the Myrrh bearers, Mary Salome and Mary Jacob. And Miriam, keeper of the waters, as far back as Numbers 20.
The sacred frequency of water from a spring or well was part of the vibration that accompanied the healing elements of the plant. Plant energies and water when consciously placed together, like alchemy, create medicine. We know this from remedies like Bach and Meldings.
Next time you choose a bunch of flowers, intuitively, from the heart, from your source, take them home and place them in the vase, picture the healing you desire. As for the water, if you don’t have a fresh spring to collect water, try filtered water from a few refills. Place the water out in sunlight for energizing, motivation and positivity. Place the water in moonlight for soft soothing, cleansing and letting go. When the flowers are place with your careful intentions, sit with them, bring your attention to this as a practice. You can meditate with your gaze softly on the plant medicine you have created for your unique frequency, the plant, the water and You.
Next time you buy yourself a bunch of flowers, remember the ancient women healers also created medicine with plant, water and intention. Honour them, and remember them too. When you buy flowers for someone else, remember the intention for their healing, their frequency. And for a bit of fun, look up the meaning of the flowers you have chosen, the ones you pick out the most….you won’t be disappointed!
In my 49 life I am stressed and overwhelmed by the to-do-list, sometimes it is triggering. I am a carer, a wife, a sister, a friend, a holistic health practitioner and sometimes a spiritual artist. If I could spend my days meditating, crafting and napping oh I would! but this earthly existence has other ideas.
Wellbeingand Menopause Symptoms
I consider my wellbeing to be an internal garden, this requires nurturing, tending and not to be left un-managed. I am intuitive and seem to be crafting my way through this life so why wouldn’t menopause be any different. I have entered this mid-life phase feeling like my years of PMS have become the signs of my menopause. The fatigue, the overwhelm at the tasks for the day seem to make me sigh with heavy eylashes. I often wonder if the menstrual cycle of my earlier, maiden years was a signal to what I would be experiencing through menopause. What if PMS was “pre-menopause signalling”?
The fatigue seems to be the essential point of my feelings throughout my cycling years so no surprise it is the signal in my menopause. This fatigue seems to be the domino effect for the overwhelm and the stress. So I am looking deeper into this as my stating point, or my trigger point.
Menopause and Sleep Quality
Hormonal cycling expert Marilyn Glenville asks us to consider if sleep or lack of it is the cause, to look at our quality of sleep. If we have night sweats, are we waking up feeling hot and sweaty or waking up then getting hot and sweaty, the later relating to glucose dips in the night and so having more carbohydrates before bed. Another consideration is how nourished am I at the end of the day? Am I worried about the lists before bed or satisfied I have completed enough for one day to have a quiet mind to sleep?
Nourishment and Nutrition through the Menopause
When I think about how nourished and fulfilled I am in my day to day existence, my work, my responsibilities I am considering what really am I doing here on earth. Nourishment goes right to the root of the physical aspects and to the higher perspectives, (yes we are talking Maslow here!) I am asking myself if I am nutritionally nourished and soulfully nourished.
This week I have found that fatigue can be a lack of essential fatty acids, the Omegas. I can hear my mind re-routing right through the mackerel fish and seeds to the seeds within the mind (I am so esothetically focused!). It is like the universe is playing upon the need for the physical as well as the spiritual and this is where I am in menopause. We are talking duality between the form and the formless, I don’t think we can separate the physical from the spiritual as we go through menopause! And that is where the root of this thing called menopause comes thundering in. There is no ignoring this shake up in the midlife years, this shift needs and wants to be noticed, nourished even.
Omega, the Greek word for gender neutral has great significance when we speak about the menopause and the fact that the hormones that are essentially feminine and create a cyclical being within us are coming to an end. The Omega also means “the End”. It also has meaning in the word Roots, associated with fulfilment, death and personality traits for introverts, rooting downwards. You see you can’t make this up! Just look up the word Omega and you can see where this goes.
So this week I am considering my fatigue as the root of my overwhelm, and a need for some quiet time and some introverted nourishment of the senses. I have a need to feed my body with the omegas and to have some nourishment for my mind as well as my soul. As the night sky sets with softer hues, I need to prepare for sleep, no screens no tv, to nourish myself with introverted ways. A routine made up of soul nourishment for the end of the day, with meditation, prayer, movement, music and contemplation. And if fatigue arises by day, maybe I could respect the need and still opt for a nap too.
In my 49 life I am searching for a role model, a wise elder in the form of a Hag, in the best, fullest intention of the woman at the edge, the embodiment of the Hag. One who has pushed through the patriarchy and societies fair games into the undiluted vessel of a …… as my friend Kimberley quoted, a Queenager.
I don’t have a need for a knowledgeable teacher or well-read wordsmith. I have a desire, that’s it, a desire to be nurtured into this role-over into the 50somethings, with a storyteller and folklorist.
Today I was remembering the “Mothers” that I have had. By that I mean those who have mothered me, I have no qualms or crisis with my biological Mother, I had a childhood within a village, and this village expanded in my teens to include may women who shaped me….I met some strong, ferocious women, who taught me strong boundaries and determination, to never let a passion die, just because. I have been blessed by nurturing mothers who assisted in the framing of my emotions and how to gentle be with the children, the animals, the silent nuances of the caretaker. I also met with a friend’s unpredictable Mother who skilled me in to how to read the atmospheric dust storm gathering around them. Where their own boundaries were being flick into incitement, a valuable lesson in listening to my friend and when to just exit.
What I now just crave for is that wise elder to gather my attention, as my head is starting to spill, and leak to be honest, and to help me navigate this transformation with their wisdom after all they have been in my shoes and seen others do this before me, they are the experienced helper in this ageing ritual. I wish for help to expand my imagination, enliven me in my wearisome state and to give me a glimpse of the other side of this menopausal transition. I thirst for the folklorist to enchant me over to the otherly. To make my heart swell with the stories of becoming the white-haired women, to fairy-tale along the paths in the woods and weave the strands of consciousness together into a new realmdom of balance and non-linear living. To sing me the songs of transformed worlds of patriarchy and burning the need for a PhD just to be heard. I thirst for the elders to come bravely out of the fog filled woodlands and along the misty beaches shaking their rattles and sounding the drums to gather us around a fire. This is where I will be completely engaged with the storytellers, the well-keepers and the seeding earth dwellers who will gather and our days will be spent listening to the Earth Elders. Our chastised endeavours will no longer sit within us as unmaterialised, for we will learn of our inner sovereignty as “within us all along” as the Fairy Godmother always says at the end of a good tale. Our transformations will be in the form of inner knowings, remembrances, experience and oral traditions and seasons once more. Our new career trajectory will be based on heart compassing passions and journeying rather than a well executed bibliography. I have instead a thirst for juicy language and taking a seat within a circle where every seat is equal. I have a thirst for the magical over intellectual pursuits and for scrumptious chronicles than research papers. I desire the heady heights of the upper ridges of the mountain tops and pinnacle of the story than the offices of hierarchy. For non-essential processes to be burned away, as some things are just not necessary at the fire keepers hearth. This is my maturing into womanhood, cronehood, at the threshold of 50.
