Medicinalmeadows

THE PLACE WITHIN

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The Pain of Anxiety

Anxiety has lived with me for many years. I have read a mountain of books on the subject from psychology, self help to spirituality and akashic records. As well as a Master’s degree in CBT I started but didn’t finish.

The emotions of anxiety include emotional pain. The pain of being stuck in a holding of “I can’t”. ” I can’t tell them how I feel, I can’t express myself enough, I can’t put myself up for that speech and so I can’t do that job”. These were not feelings brought about by others they were limitations of myself. I felt held and stuck and in pain. The moment I felt a change was when I took a small step. “I can’t  do the speech in front of so many people, but what if I took one small step towards speaking up. I can’t be heard in the team but what can I do to establish my boundaries”. Small steps to the land of becoming created a small success in belonging. In my own way I  experimented with challenge (with some anxiety) and saw success of achieving movement out from within the pain.

The phrase you can’t eat an elephant in one go was my mantra. What smaller steps can I make? In the words of Sandra Ingerman, “taking small steps to climb a mountain will get you there just as surely as taking giant leaps. And the steps will also allow you to climb the mountain consciously as well as in your comfort range, keeping you in a state of balance and harmony” (Soul Retrieval 2011).

For me, the smaller steps were still challenging but manageable, they also required  marking, like a reward to celebrate a new threshold reached. Celebrating myself for making the steps, however small where all part of the bigger journey. Marking these achievements was key as well as repetition. The advantage I see is that repeating the small steps creates a new perspective, a new development, a new wider comfort zone. And so the repetition becomes a habit and a routine from a new challenging moment some time ago. It gives me time to focus, refocus and repeat and do-over and so the competency develops into a competent confident skill. Small steps can be seen as wise steps where a repeating pattern creates comfort as well as individuality in the endeavour just like water wearing its way over rock to carve isn’t own way forwards. It may be a slow process but it becomes a less messy one. Nature shows us over and over that repetition creates growth. Think of that old oak tree every year discarding its leaves and reaching higher with new branches.

Rushing towards goals still has me sliding into the pain of anxiety. Knowing myself, within a relationship to myself, is also about knowing how I relate to my natural way of being in this life. It has also cultivated a compassionate approach to others and how anxiety feels when it is outside in the cold causing stagnancy and misunderstandings in all areas of life and relationships. Bringing anxiety into the inner circle of a compassionate relationship has become a way of reconnecting and understanding pain. Pain is not just a physical symptom, it is also emotional.


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Women of Change

Blessings

I pray to the Grandmothers, the Mothers
The Sisters and Daughters
I pray to the Changemakers, the Songmakers,
And the Homemakers
I pray to the Winds of Movement
The Rivers of Guardians
The Earth Lovers
And the Fire Warriors
I pray for Change


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Happy New Year

I thank you all for a spirited year of connection, joy, laughter, grief, tears and sounding our voices in release and keening.

I pray for love, more connection to you all in joy and heart blooming inspiration.

I pray that next year I will be gatherings with you, to sing, voice, touch your hand in mine as your spirit has touched my heart this year.

I thank the Grandmothers and the Grandfathers, our ancestors, the ancient ones the wise and the well for pulling us together. I thank the great mysteries of the those that guide me, my angel guardians, my spirit guides for bringing me into circle and session with beautiful souls and those that have pure hearts. I thank the greatness for new friendships, for long held loving relationships, for family and community that have held us as we have experienced challenges and expressed our emotions in safe communion.

I am grateful for All this and so much more. I am grateful to the All and the Only, to the consciousness of oneness and my grateful heart sends out so much love to yours for now in this present moment, I am Truly Blessed.


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Everything….

There is time for everything and everything has its time…..

Into this place I send my soul song streaming and the elements return the sound into my own. I am here without time and in no place. I have space between the particles of my being and my bones.


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What Do You See? A Reflection of Me

Can you feel it, this shift in spirit? I see our forms as energy all thinking, dreaming, perceiving, doing, projecting. I see all those projections as cords, the unaware.

Within my own space, what am I projecting, what have I perceived?

Much of this is not my own, so who am I? I see my form, looking back at me and what do I see?

The perceptions of myself have dropped away, who am I Now? In this moment, there is just my form looking back at me, this is ending, dying, birthing….this is New.


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Inner sense

Big energies levelling off with this potent moon. I feel it growling into existence. Like a dominant force of animal energy pleased to see the inside instead of the outer shell.

The inner home is in need of “getting ready” the old just won’t do….boldness is required.


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Retrieval

I forgot how satisfying it is to create, to get messy, paint, chop and squeeze.

To make in the moment, forget the chaos and remember me.

I lost time, and place and to silence the world around and be inside of me.

This took me back to rose petals in jars, to a pebble in my pocket weeks after being on the beach.

This reminded me of me…


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Corrosive

Furious Boundaries. The ruins here are crumbling, held by steel girders, holding up what was, what has been. Once thought of as picturesque now it’s  unsafe and corrosive. The old decaying structure is sinking into the Earth. The railings are rusted and the scream of spirit of place says break it down. Emotions of anger, violation and division. Separation is no longer acceptable.


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Spirit of Place

What if my thoughts on land energy clearing are not on point? What if there is a fault in my thinking? What if some places have energy clearing all adhered to through spirit?

You see certain places have an energy keeper the “Spirit of Place”. This is spirit that is a guardian, to be Keeper of the Land Place and Space. Maybe we should be calling upon “Spirit of Place” before we enter into any rituals or ceremony, out of good intention, but maybe we ask first?! Maybe this way we get connected, reconnected to that Keeper.

My thoughts recently have been that we have a duty to clear spaces on the land, our natural spaces, our sacred spaces so that energies are not held on the land, and yes, we are talking land trauma here. But what if this is not always necessary? What if rituals and ceremony, specially in sacred ancient sites is already taken care of by the other realms, the unseen.

I recognise that some places have that “feeling” right? This makes me think that land is like clearing any space. You know when a room it just needs a clearing of energy, that dense feeling after a tense meeting or a building after a trauma event, so why is an outside space any different! Do we have a responsibility to take care of the energies in just the same way? And on that note, do we recognise that the same respect for energy to flow is also a clearing we need to respect within ourselves, the body. After all a spirit resides within us too, we are the Keeper of our body.

So my point here is do we seek consent? Do we ask for consent and listen, inwardly and outwardly? We may just connect to the Spirit of Place if we do.