Medicinalmeadows

medicinal words and pictures


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The Forest ……chapter 6… Storytelling for anxiety and all those feelings…..

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This morning I heard voices. I clung to the table in front of the window and eyed out into the daylight as I saw two people walking briskly by, I remember that, they walked side by side. I froze, they laughed, as they snaked the path into the greenness and were gone. It seems so long since I fixed my sights on other people. They were dressed for hiking with sturdy foot wear, like mine, I remember them stuck in the mud.

You know I wasn’t even sure at this moment that my voice actually still worked, I hadn’t spoke for so long. I hadn’t even talked out loud to myself, not a word, not a hum, a song, a phrase, nothing. I’m now aware that I need to be ready, I need to rehearse my vocal cords.

I have been following a set routine to last the day, finding comfort in the conformity. The cabin now seems familiar and I feel I have come to know every floor board, the ones that creak, where the drafts come in, where the sun rises, the sound of the birds, the stream running at the back of the cabin and the wind and the sound it makes brushing the leaves.

Something is not right within me. I see the world outside, people walking, talking and laughing, I stay quiet within, I hold my breath within, I keep myself within. There is fear within these walls and fear outside of these walls. I no longer have the presence of comfort. I feel I can not rest. So why do I stay hidden when I want so much to be found, to be rescued?

So what is it that I fear the most?

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Future Anxiety

A path, a continual
Fear, willing to hope
A daily ritual
Of being able to cope

Future visions to wait
New plans to withhold
The old, the same state
The constant same old

The picture, a dream
To feel self esteem
Not wanting to scream

No bird flying high
High flying to the sky
……..Just scraping on by

Your prompt: future
Today’s form: sonnet
Today’s device: chiasmus


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Fear

Seeing what my
Heart can’t hide
I tumble and
Tighten deep inside

This reaction that
Resonates in me
Stimulated, contrives
Heightened energy

Constricting, rising
Skin inspired to heat
Gaze hypnotized
Every organ to beat

Reaction dependent
What eyes first see
Fixating, relating
Mind connectivity


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Honestly Not Ready To Begin

walter-crane-neptunes-horses-illustration-for-the-greek-mythological-legend-published-in-london-1910

I can’t talk of what you did to me
No words express the multiplicity
It stays hidden in the depths of me
Like magma spray of callosity
 
One day the gates will open to see
There’s no telling what might be,
Explosive waves, wild horses set free
Fire of fury for all to see
 
But now I fear this foreboding task
That anyone should really ask
That I honestly remove the mask
To see the chasm of this flask
 
So I hold it safe, hold it within
It may eat away, all of this sin
I’m not ready for blast to begin
So I’ll hold it steady, hold it in

 Image is Walter Crane’s painting “Neptune’s Horses”