Lately I have been trying to extrapolate the words that describe overwhelm, anxiety and exhaustion. This all weaves into my 50 life as menopause. But on a deeper exploration, these words that are often spelled-out towards me just seem to be off centre. You know, like an arrow shooting off to the side…that sense of not landing!

You see I had what I will call an overspilling of tears last week and I didn’t feel anxious beforehand, or let me put it a bit more accurately, I didn’t think anxious thoughts, I didn’t have worries in my mind. What happened was a bodily response to the situation I was in. It was biological not mental or emotional stress I was experiencing. I was embodying a sense, not thinking one.

This overspilling today has circled me back round to the 50 life. And here is my story for today. My body is experiencing a 50 year old life, my biology is taking me on a journey exploring the world with a new perception of the macro and the micro, the inner and the outer field of my soul as I learn from it all.

My biology has danced a wheel of hormones from my teenager years. It has been delighted in summer and been restful in winter. My biology is nature and my cycle is natural. This change takes my exuberance in a proliferative spring like energy and oestrogen productivity into a decline. My body is looking for the spring and summer phase, for the dancing to begin, for the days and nights of energetic pulses to regain a sense desire, excitement and focus. Like long summer nights of activity and the enthusiasm for diving into the pools of that which lights me up.

Today I am sitting with the body longing for the light of my passion. My body may well be grieving the loss of these phases that rise of the oestrogen that gives life to energetic delights.

So where do I now find my oestrogen-like joy? That ecstasy of life when the follicular phases has left. The oestrogen has wanned so where can I find the fullness of the moon without the bright light of the ovum to bring creativity into this world? In my 50^th year what am I looking for that has the power and potential of a fertile egg to resurrect my entire being into a new life?

What has this world to offer in the current climate of birthing and creative and weaving together with all those who have sat in life’s journey so far?

What wisdom is missing from a world where creating life is at the core?

Where can I replicate my passion in the winter of age and what appears to be winter of all seasons on earth?