Medicinalmeadows

THE PLACE WITHIN


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Heart Resonance

Hear within my heart the whispers of becoming

Sweet Beloved guide the path upon that which you know for me is true

May the rains fall in the dark hours to fill up the rivers

So I can then follow you at the banks of the living waters

When the Light returns once more

Allow me to witness

The seasons of the leaf

That seems to die only to begin upon the richness of the path

That lays beneath my naked feet

Every tread upon your ground then leads me on

With ancient whispering asking me to flow along

Let me see Light as the dawn of opportunities

Like the flowers that open their heart’s fully in your coming strength

Let me feel the inner blossoming of your warmth upon my chest

And when the day is done

May I feel tenderness with the remembrance

Of your embrace

As the river runs, I will be

Gently embedded into my heart once more

As rest comes within your flowing breath


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Burning Times

When you burned, I burned with you

When you buried, I burned for you

In passion in flame in Holy name

I am Forest Father

The nature’s Pater

I burned for you

From ground to up above

Our essence of vapour and resin through the sky

To all sea, bird, creature and pebble nearby

As you changed to spirit on air

With wind and rain

I held our our branches to hold you again

On the arm of Grandfather Oak

Passed down to Mother Doe

To pine to ground

Gathered your spirit around

By branch and heather

In ash and soil in Gods own power to mycelium medicine

Within those resting hours

We hold you in woodland, nature’s roots

We carried you there to earth’s repair

We carried you over through the mighty air

Now sheltered with a canopy

Embedded to sacred ground

To oak, ash, yew and birch

Of Kin and Kith

Dwelling in arms of bark, heart of trunk

Of deer foot and bird above

Held by ivy

Entwined

With earth beneath you

Water to greet you

Wind to change you

Light to recreate you

Ancestors of root of seed and bud

Growing earthly

Living on

Forest of my blood, evergreen

Forest of Fatherhood


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The Pain of Anxiety

Anxiety has lived with me for many years. I have read a mountain of books on the subject from psychology, self help to spirituality and akashic records. As well as a Master’s degree in CBT I started but didn’t finish.

The emotions of anxiety include emotional pain. The pain of being stuck in a holding of “I can’t”. ” I can’t tell them how I feel, I can’t express myself enough, I can’t put myself up for that speech and so I can’t do that job”. These were not feelings brought about by others they were limitations of myself. I felt held and stuck and in pain. The moment I felt a change was when I took a small step. “I can’t  do the speech in front of so many people, but what if I took one small step towards speaking up. I can’t be heard in the team but what can I do to establish my boundaries”. Small steps to the land of becoming created a small success in belonging. In my own way I  experimented with challenge (with some anxiety) and saw success of achieving movement out from within the pain.

The phrase you can’t eat an elephant in one go was my mantra. What smaller steps can I make? In the words of Sandra Ingerman, “taking small steps to climb a mountain will get you there just as surely as taking giant leaps. And the steps will also allow you to climb the mountain consciously as well as in your comfort range, keeping you in a state of balance and harmony” (Soul Retrieval 2011).

For me, the smaller steps were still challenging but manageable, they also required  marking, like a reward to celebrate a new threshold reached. Celebrating myself for making the steps, however small where all part of the bigger journey. Marking these achievements was key as well as repetition. The advantage I see is that repeating the small steps creates a new perspective, a new development, a new wider comfort zone. And so the repetition becomes a habit and a routine from a new challenging moment some time ago. It gives me time to focus, refocus and repeat and do-over and so the competency develops into a competent confident skill. Small steps can be seen as wise steps where a repeating pattern creates comfort as well as individuality in the endeavour just like water wearing its way over rock to carve isn’t own way forwards. It may be a slow process but it becomes a less messy one. Nature shows us over and over that repetition creates growth. Think of that old oak tree every year discarding its leaves and reaching higher with new branches.

Rushing towards goals still has me sliding into the pain of anxiety. Knowing myself, within a relationship to myself, is also about knowing how I relate to my natural way of being in this life. It has also cultivated a compassionate approach to others and how anxiety feels when it is outside in the cold causing stagnancy and misunderstandings in all areas of life and relationships. Bringing anxiety into the inner circle of a compassionate relationship has become a way of reconnecting and understanding pain. Pain is not just a physical symptom, it is also emotional.


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She of a thousand stars

I am She of a thousand stars above

and smooth wind upon the brow

I am She who adores you with kisses upon that brow

I am She who rushes like the waves to meet your feet

upon the shores of your dearest tidings

I am within the night of the dream weaver

and in the days of sadness upon your tear soaked cheeks

I am in your thoughts as you tend to your loving cares

I am in your remembrance of friendships that feel joy to you

I am that bridge of the Heart from you to another

I am within and outside of your Heart

I am the connection from your eyes, your thoughts, your touch of hand

and hand on Heart

I go with you into the darkest places you may be sent

I walk by your hand brushing upon mine

Just grasp my soft fingers when you are needing steadying

I will carry you wholly across that threshold

into the door of it surrounded by my Love for you

I am She of a thousand stars

I am here for You


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Dirt, Decay and the Dream

When dirt and decay become a master piece of my hands

when the ending of a cycle is just a resting into the not yet started

like the night is not yet a dawn

and the dream has finished and the waking state is not begun

the in between, the vision and the arising……

when dirt is just dirt and the seeds are not yet sprung

when dirt is the life within my hands

and the dream in one


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The Serendipity of the Soul…

Inner Landscape of the Multi-dimensional Soul…..

The inner landscape is healing with an integration of sorts. It comes in the form of a wound, an old wound that re-opens. Some say it is where the light comes in, it feels more like the reveal of the source of the wound. The serendipity.

This healing and I use the term loosely, is like a flash of realisation. It is a secret exposed with some shock and flatly deposited in the lap so it can not be missed. It is a “postcard” from the soul delivering what we had previously separated from ourselves and now it is the messenger for the integration to occur. Hold it, yes pick it up, look at it with a new perspective. Give it all the medicine you can. It was always a part of you, not apart from you. The integration is the acceptance of not who you are today but how magical you have become.

In turning the wheel of change within, exposing you beyond your boundaries you come back to yourself and hold tightly that which is transformative. As you are your Grandmother spirit in time. This is your spin around the wheel to integrate the realms of all you are. You are a soul on a mission to integrate.

Image My Own


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Corrosive

Furious Boundaries. The ruins here are crumbling, held by steel girders, holding up what was, what has been. Once thought of as picturesque now it’s  unsafe and corrosive. The old decaying structure is sinking into the Earth. The railings are rusted and the scream of spirit of place says break it down. Emotions of anger, violation and division. Separation is no longer acceptable.


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Love

I am the Love that never dies
I am She who calls to you from whispers, sound, vibrations of the Heart.
I come in Dark and Light
In Strength and Fear
Do not fade at what comes before you
Do not bluster or storm
You are always in my Love
I am carrying your torch of Light
To guide a way for you to be open
Be present
Be in Teaching
Of the moment
Nothing evades you
Nothing withheld from you
As all love can be received
All thanks to Love
In openness
Of Divine Love
Be open
Be gracious
Of the Love that never dies


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Open Hearted

I Am SHE of Sound
Like waves upon your shore
I am Here caressing you to awaken
To seek Within
As You Love You Open
As You Open You Love

The Song of Peace
Like gentle waves of Love
To Open your door
To find your own Sound,
Your Song, Your Way

On the Shore of your Emptiness
There in the Oneness
You will find Sanctuary
And it will hold you still

As You surrender
To the waves of your Being
Transcending all that burdens you
Listen
I am always found within
Your Heart