This is the cat that lives with us. His name is Raphael, he was about 8 years old when he came to our home. I am very careful with my words here, he is not my cat. You see he came from a loving home and is a bit of a feral character. He is strong very confident and came here with all his ways of being, habits and traits. It has taken a while for us to get into our stream of togetherness as there are little ways he finds his comfort that are his fullness of expression of self.
He likes to take his seat, anywhere! And like all cats, he has different meows and ways of communicating his needs. I feel I am a good listener, so I have been trying to get to know his voice, his sound and his tone. You see, I have been listening, practicing and developing in a listening environment called circle practice over the last 4 years. This goes back to indigenous circle gatherings, and if you think Zoom etiquette is a new thing, think again.
You see there is a way of gathering, of speaking in circle, it is a practice. It is a way that we connect to be heard. We have a speaking voice, and we have the voice of the circle which I will try to explain. You see this is why I have introduced the cat, Raphael. He is a very good example. He has different voices that mean different things and while, I would love to say I know cat language, what I am actually saying is, I listen deeply to the things around what is being communicated. Circle practice is a bit like this, we develop, we tune in, to what is being said, what is spoken and we tune in to what is not said but which is also communicated. By sitting in circle we start to connect in our other senses, our inner perceptions and as well as our physical hearing become attuned. These perceptions come from being completely immersed, in time and space to others and we start to listen to only the person with the talking stick, or the one not muted, on Zoom. We then become totally aware of what they communicate, as well as what they are saying, we listen to their multi-dimensional being. When we become accustomed to this, from circle practice , we have an awareness of the self in relation to the multi-dimensional being in a multi-dimensional space. We empathise, and when we attune to this space of group empathy, we develop a body awareness and we connect to the emotions that are then able to be released through our physical form, so we release.
This releasing is healing, it is healing for ourselves from physically held or blocked emotions and it is healing for the person speaking into the space because they see that they are heard and witnessed and that releases them. This expression first in their words and then in their connection to others and then by feeling in a congruent space and being seen as fully accepted and fully recognised. When we feel that safe space developing we are then able to fully sound, voice, mourn, keen, laugh…..express that feeling, that has been block, and to know it is ok to do so. When it is sounded outside of ourselves, is it released. And here is the thing, the cat Raphael, is able to do that because, he doesn’t give a hoot, about what emotions are going to sound like! The problem is when the mind thinks of all the ways that sound may seem like or squeal like, it gets pushed back, blocked, held and solidified in the body. The cat, doesn’t solidify his voice of discontent, or content, he just does it.
My definition of circle practice is emotional bathing, connecting to my multi-dimensional self.
A remembrance that we are here to connect.
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Today we have acorns. I am reminded by spirit that the oak was once a legendary sacred tree that has been in many storylines of our ancestors. Once upon a time the acorn was revered as a magic gift for rebirth from the strong family of the forest. An opportunity to start weaving in new experiences that continue the lineage of the family. What traits or talents can I develop that are within my bones? What gifts do my ancestors wish to see reborn in me? What wisdom is being communicated? Where can I plant my roots? What is being seeded right now? What direction are my ancestors pointing out?
Autumnal colours are my favourite! I love the red and brown hues of earthy colours. Autumn reflects the sacral centre, and all that it carries, all the emotions and nature creates a beauty lesson in change, and letting go. It is a great time to let things fall, if they need to. To allow for a deep listening into the sacral space and be discerning about things that can no longer be held, dragged and weighed down. The sacred red of the seasonal colours have me reflecting on the words of Mary, What unhealthy patterns need to go? What is pulling me out of balance? What is blocking me? What has me looking over my shoulder? What am I clinging on to? Can I let go, free myself…. #gospelofmary #whatbindsmeisslain #gospels #marymagdalene #marymagdaleneswisdom #7powers
Most of you know I have a prayer practice, a daily routine, a trust in this infinite thing called the unseen. I believe it is an ancient, the first in fact, mystical practice humans used to connect to everything. My belief is that prayer is not a religious practice, or part of an institution, but goes back to an instinct of a higher power and something bigger than ourselves.
My belief comes from my imaginal space that I have known since, well, forever. I remember at school I would be gazing out the window and in my mind I would talk to the vision of the comforting person near me, have a conversation, discuss something bothering me. As I developed a spiritual practice 10 years ago I began to understand that way of seeing. I had been given a key to unlocking the door to the unseen realms around me. But that’s a story for another day. Today I wanted to tell you about my current purpose.
After struggling to build a spiritual practice I have been called to write about my experiences of the spiritual field as I perceive it. My story starts with utter exhaustion and collapse. This instigated my quest for meaning, and I found I already had the key to the door within me. I found that my calling and my career couldn’t compress. I had to leave my nursing career due to exhaustion, the mix of spirituality and energy work and a busy hospital job was too much on my physical health. On my days off I would sleep the whole day, feeling cold and strung out on anxiety. At work I would be witnessing the movements of the unseen helpers and have subtle messages to pass on, but I didn’t know how to convey it all! I guess these days you would call it medical mediumship, but this was then and not now.
I left to build my spiritual practice as a reiki practitioner but struggled to get clients and ended up seeing an advert that took me to the role as reiki practitioner in a hospice. My sense of spiritual guides, my team if you like, were sending me on a path of schooling. When I first walked up the path to the hospice in my imaginal space, my third eye, I was seeing the sphinx with pyramids, from this I knew, my guides were communicating that this experience was a mystery school teaching. During my years at the hospice I witnessed guides, and healers of the imaginal realms. I received insights to healing energies, watched as the energies weaved in relationships, activated teachings and so much more.
The most frequent of the spiritual teachers that came to me was a Pink light describing herself as the Pink Ray. She came overtime, until it was clear She was the Teacher that had lead me to this school. She gradually introduced more about herself. She was first the Pink Light then Pink Ray, describing healers of the old ways in forms of colour energies, such as the blue rays, the pink and green and purple, if you know angelic rays and archangel frequencies you know what I mean. She then gave me a name which sounded like Hannah, which later came in as a very soft “H” to Anna.
The Pink ray introducing herself over time as Anna, was a woman from Christianity that many will recognise as Grandmother of Jesus and Saint Anne. This introduction was just the beginning, I was later introduced to other energies in this realm that are connected to this earth and still wish to be in relationship to healing, “abridging” to those who wish to call on them. I now know them as “The Way” you may know them as Jesus, Mary, Mother Mary, Saint Anne, (to me H-Anna), Mattais, John, Elizabeth, Susannah, Johanna, Salome. More commonly know as the Disciples. I received not only their messages but their images. I began to sketch their faces as they appeared to me, a form of spiritual artwork.
They are present, and they wait to be called, in relationship, in prayer, in healing practices or just for a conversation, they listen…..and they connect.
This is why I have developed a prayer practice because I trust the Christ Light abridging the earth as the Way. If you feel called to talk, they are listening, this talking….I call prayer…
The author Cynthia Bourgeault says that any discord in the ranks amongst the apostles is simply silenced in the canonical gospels. It is when we look to the gnostic writings that we see a lack of harmony amongst them. Here in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene we see that Peter and Mary are far apart rather than side by side in their perspectives. We see Peter looking on, clinging, it appears that Peter is stuck and Mary is free. When the gnostic scriptures, the Nag Hammadi, were discovered didn’t leaders and academics say these same things about Yeshua’s teachings, sounding strange and not fitting with the other recordings of his ministry. And yes, I agree that the Gospel of Mary is so much more a metaphysical account than a retelling of the life of Yeshua. The core message I receive in the present moment about this passage, (page 17 and 18) is that she names him, “My Brother Peter”, my equal, As Yeshua named them My Brother’s and Sister, there is no hierarchy amongst them. In the eyes of their Saviour and in the eyes of Mary, they are all equal, Brother addressing Sister, Man and Woman.
What do you see between the Mind of Peter and the Heart of Mary?
The Gospel of Mary – pages 17 to 18. The final pages and the interaction between Mary and the Apostles.
Do you ever get the call to a certain place? The inner calling that just doesn’t go away until you surrender and visit the place. Recently I was pulled toward this place, The Priory of St Mary and St Michael is commonly known as Cartmel Priory. As we travelled toward village of Cartmel we passed many historical, stone buildings and new modern signs of the times, one of these was a new Starbucks with its familiar logo at the side of the road, but I will come back to that later….
The feel of the Priory is soft, contemplative, and devotional. There is a sense of femininity and a weaving of the Marion energies that seem to create a state of profound gentleness. The other aspect of significance to me was the image of a Goddess in the choir stalls. While the stalls have fabulous symbology with curious carvings throughout, this figure seemed to create a celebration of the feminine nature with more zeal and deliberation.
Medieval Mermaids
The carvings are “hidden in plain sight”, under each seated of the choir stalls, dated to the 15th century. The intricate details of the carvings are not of a Cumbrian landscape of that era. There are lions, palm leaves, faces, plant life and a mermaid, in the 15th century choir stalls. At first I thought the figure of the mermaid was of Yemoja or Mami Wata, with a comb and mirror, also symbolic to Aphrodite. It was a strange curiosity to find this image here in a medieval monastic place of workship! But on a little delving into mermaid history in churches in the British Isles there are other misericords with carvings that are similar at Tewkwsbury, Carlisle and Zennor in Cornwall. But this mermaid has two tails!
In medieval art it is said that a mermaid with two tails is a Melusine. The myth of the Melusine weaves through French, English and Scottish royalty, and as far back as Queen Isabella I of Jerusalem. This is a storyline that was known throughout the ancient worlds at the time of the Crusades. It is a myth that links the Crusaders, to the Royal Houses, and a familiar story of the Merovingian dynasty holding the bloodline from Mary Magdalene.
Is it a coincidence that the founder of Cartmel Priory, is believed to be a Knight’s Templar! I think it is a treasure trove of antiquity curioso, the stuff that good storytelling is made from. So William Marshal, the Knight was known to have escorted Eleanor of Aquitaine when they were ambush. William fought for her safety and was captured himself. Eleanor survived and paid ransom for William Marshal’s release. His career in the royal court ascended from this moment. So the link between the mermaid, the melusine? The water spirit or water fairy of the medieval culture was linked to the royal houses throughout Europe. One story is that a maternal line was weaved through the House of Aquitaine, a Queen who was a melusine, who could transform into the two tailed beauty. The story stretches all over Europe as the sirens, nymphs, mermaids tales thread through Medieval royalty. The first time I heard about the melusine, was from Margaret Starbird‘s books, the divinity schooled researcher on Mary Magdalene. She found similar images from the 1250s displayed in Alsace-Lorraine, France, which was once the seat of power for Merovingian kings.
Maybe you are reading this, and thinking, “now that is a stretch too far, she is seeing what she wants to see!”. But these were legends of that time and what we do have is one of these images sitting in a choir stall, carved during the 15th century, in a small village in Cumbria. Let’s face it, there are some stories we either do and don’t entertain, and why is that?, a man with a white beard flying through the sky at Christmas is ok? But a carving of a melusine linking the Augustinian Order to a medieval legend, and a Royal dynasty with Mary Magdalene? a step too far? I agree, that it is quite a thing to be suggesting, that the trail of Mary Magdalene makes a pit stop at Morecambe bay?! This is not St Baumne! But what a glorious well hidden, well executed secret, for so long, if it is. But what about the melusine? We do accept, daily, on the side of a coffee cup, the logo of this medieval legend and I saw this logo as I travelled towards the Priory on that day. There is a newly build Starbucks that had just erected the sign as we passed on the route that day. How did that happen to be part of the full circle story!
Starbucks.com logo Google images
Symbology in the Choir Stalls
But let’s not stop there, how about a Saracen dagger and an ear. I am definitely making the leap to the Saracen and St.Peter. When I first saw this, how could I not think, Malchus, the servant to the high priests who was stuck by Peter the Apostle.
I invite you to read the images for yourself with your own inner wisdom. What I do know, is that the Augustinian order had links to William Marshal. William was a Crusader, and travelled to Jerusalem, to Temple Mount.
Augustinian Monks
The stories of the Augustinian Monks say that they were an Order active within the community. They assisted the poor, supported agriculture and provided spiritual worship. One story states that the Monks would go out in a storm to help rescue fishermen and those in trouble at sea. They would risk their own lives rescuing others. There have been sightings from around the Bay area of the ghostly figures still to this day. Of hooded figures wearing dark robes spotted on misty coast roads, walking inland through the disorientated weather from stormy seas.
The final story is one of martyrdom. The loss of life is such a horrific way at the dissolution of monasteries. Their story ends at Gallows Hill, in Lancaster as part of the Pilgrimage of Grace.
History of this land and the Priory.
In 674 the land is bequeathed to St. Cuthbert by King Egfrith of Northumbria. First church established and dedicated to St. Michael.
By 1189 the finished Cartmel Priory is founded by William Marshal. A known Knight’s Templar who is buried at the Temple Church London (1219)
Throughout the 13 and 14 hundreds there are additional building works and renovations due to raids and ruin. Henry VIII dissolves the monasteries. The Priory monks are expelled and the King’s commissioners remove all assets, even stripping the roof lead. Villagers petition the King to spare the church. The monks and 10 laymen are hung, drawn and quartered at Lancaster for treason. For the next 2 hundred years the Priory is restored bit by bit by the village, in the 1600s Cromwell’s men do further damage after the village is steeped in poverty and famine, but they somehow keep up the restorations as they view this Priory as their church their holy ground. By the 1800s the Priory is in need of extensive restoration and work is done through out this period to restore major works that have brought this Priory into the 21st century.
The Greatest Knight
William Marshal was a famous character in medieval Britain. One of the wealthiest and most powerful owning estates throughout the country and acting as Regent, King’s negotiator and influential to the writing of the Magna Carter. His name of the time, (in French) is Guillaume le Maréchal.
Around the age of twelve, when his father’s career was faltering, he was sent to the Château de Tancarville in Normandy to be brought up in the household of William de Tancarville, a great magnate and cousin of young William’s mother. Here he began his training as a knight. This would have included biblical stories, Latin prayers, and exposure to French romance literature to confer precepts of chivalry upon the future knight. In 1166, he was knighted on campaign in Upper Normandy. In 1168 he served in the household of his mother’s brother, Patrick, Earl of Salisbury. Later that year Patrick was escorting Queen Eleanor on a journey near the boundary of her province of Aquitaine and Marshal was part of the escort. They were ambushed by Guy de Lusignan who was trying to capture Queen Eleanor, Patrick was killed but Queen Eleanor escaped. He would remain a member of Queen Eleanor’s household for the next two years, taking part in tournaments and increasing his reputation as a chivalrous knight.
In 1182 he vowed to take up the cross and undertake a crusade to the Holy Land, and after receiving Henry II’s blessing. Marshal left for Jerusalem in late 1183, nothing is known of his activities during the two years he was gone.
1186 William rejoined the court of King Henry II, the King gave William the large royal estate of Cartmel in Cumbria.
He was promised the hand in marriage and estates of Isabel de Clare (c.1172–1220), Marshal married the 17-year-old daughter of Richard de Clare (Strongbow). Her father had been Earl of Pembroke, and Marshal acquired large estates and claims in England, Wales, Normandy and Ireland. The marriage transformed the landless knight from a minor family into one of the richest men in the kingdom, a sign of his power and prestige at court.
William was included in the council of regency which King Richard appointed on his departure for the Third Crusade in 1190. Marshal served the king in his wars in Normandy against Philip II. On Richard’s death-bed, the king designated Marshal as custodian of Rouen and of the royal treasure during the interregnum. On 11 November 1216 at Gloucester, upon the death of King John, William Marshal was named by the king’s council to serve as protector of the nine-year-old King Henry III, and regent of the kingdom.
Fulfilling the vow he had made while on crusade, he was invested into the order of the Knights Templar on his deathbed. He died peacefully on 14 May 1219 at Caversham. He was buried in the Temple Church in London, where his tomb can still be seen. You find more information on William Marshall on Wikipedia.
Shadow work takes on many different levels. I have been diving into my own shadow work for a number of years and although it can sound frightening, it has a multitude of benefits for self-care and self-soothing.
It has been a way to navigate my sensitivities when I sense restriction to my outer world. This comes into my awareness when I see myself holding back and blocking my experience of something. Through shadow work I can look into this tightening or holding, in a way that is not overwhelming or challenging, but more playful and expressive. It has been a way to expand a little and a little more, so I feel I can cope with the movements I choose to put into play.
Shadow work takes on many layers of depth, sometimes it is a little like sticking my head under the bed to take a look at what is hiding down there. Other times it is a deeper dive underground to come into an awareness of a bigger issue that has been following me around and I have recognised the patterning of when it keeps showing up. That could be as a number of traits for a few weeks or a pattern recycling itself over years.
Shadow work helps reveal the parts we repress, hide, ignore or dislike. It is defined as a way of deepening awareness of oneself. As Carl Jung describes it, shadow work is introspection made spiritual, it is the unknown dark side of our personality, it has been here all along.
The practice I am sharing with you today is one of those under the bed moments. It is a check in to identify my personality traits that I am unsure about, the things that I sometimes feel I repress, hide from the world as they are in my current view, that of the “unsociable” tendencies that I think I get labeled in a world of social norms and “acceptable” or “friendly” behaviours.
I have played with this practice, not just for my true nature but to observe the menstrual cycle. I am also curious at this time to question if this can be true to menopause too. Do we still have the cyclical traits of introvert and extrovert, like the dark moon and full moon even when the menses have stopped? This creates a whole different paradigm of shadow work. I understand that we move into shadow work or shadow traits in a hormonal flux. It is no coincidence that the drop in hormone levels in the pre-menstrual to menstruation phase even looks like an underground movement. In an observer role I am curious to see if this can be applied not just to pre-menstrual phases but non-menstrual times when we are looking and witnessing the self. Is my restriction due to a menopausal moon phase? If so is that rather radical that I can honour that still as a phenomenon, and what if it does really help me to see this way even when the world seems to view menopause as the great pause!
My main view is that I have identified a restriction inwardly in response to an outwardly condition. So this is how I begin;
List 5 things I consider about myself that I know to be my truth; I am;
Introverted
Quiet
Sensitive
Gentle
Unassuming
Next write down; how could I expand these traits and how could I benefit;
introverted – I see myself sitting back in a group, always going last not first. I could benefit from more community and conversation in a friendly safe space
quiet – I feel I would be comfortable creating more noise in my own space, in private space. I have a wish to exercise my voice more, I could benefit by singing, chanting, mantras as a new practice to explore
sensitive – I recognise when I need soothing for my nervous system, this is a good realisation. I want to revisit my soothing self-care practices and evaluate if they are still right for me
gentle – I see gentle in two ways now, a dimenna and an action. I wish to know more about gentle power and physical power or stamina. I will experiment with my physical power. I want to exercise more and revisit yoga and strengthening exercises
unassuming – to be seen in my own way. I am reflecting on the use of self-expression, the varieties of expression that are not only identified as speaker or voice only expressions of confidence. I am curious about expressive modalities, to channel my expression such as art, painting, drawing, creating.
I accept these traits I have and I love them, integrate them;
I love my introverted intensity and see myself expand and contract according to my needs
I love my quiet soft voice that I can exercise in soft toning, for new spiritual practices such as chants and mantras and prayer and develop a new connection to how I sound and then I can experiment in spaces with others in groups that share these soft expressions .
I love my sensitivity as I know what I can do to soothe myself, my nervous system as and when it is needed, in ways that comfort me.
I love my gentleness from this I can identify my power, my strength and my needs for rest.
I love my unassuming nature, I explore an outward expression of my inward world through creativity, such as new art, drawings and imagery. I can call myself artistic and creative.
The benefit of these exercises, this shadow work is that it does reveal to me aspects that I had not previously considered. For me in this moment I am seeing that I have new paths to explore with chanting and voice work. They are still challenging to me, but they are more in alignment to my true nature and they have some feelings of excitement attached not dread. I can see from this moment that I am creative and have practices to help my expression. I have a need to explore strength and a somatic sense of strength not just an attitude which is a new light for me in this moment. I feel I am at peace when I am creativity, I am curious if this could help in other areas of my life that I am not yet aware of, I now see that this is something to explore.
I hope you have found my insights and personal perspectives interesting as an example of shadow work.
Inspired by the Vale of Shadow Alana Fairchild
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We are approaching the end of the Gospel and now we see the disciples doubting her experience of the vision with the Saviour. She is challenged by the other Apostles, and she wept. I talk about the breaking down, as the breaking through, as Mary stands fully in her Power. We are taking a step towards the Bridal Chamber, as Mary’s Gospel is paving the way for this to be the most critical teaching……
In this video I am reminded of being fully witnessed brings us completely central in our truth. I see how being seen is a powerful, and a result of circle practice.
Last night I listened to Dale Allen Hoffman reading Thunder, Perfect Mind, his translation. I sat, took a few deep breathes, opened my heart and listened. I have read this scripture hundreds of times, I have share it for others and every time I am moved to a deeper aspect of connection to the feminine.
Last night this translation connected me those parts that are blocked, that sit in the shadow, the shadow of the feminine. By that I don’t mean the woman. It is the feminine aspects of our human existence that intuitively greets us, holds us. The aspect that remembers the soul and connects to all our passages of time, in this lifetime and others. The pushed down, held back shame of youth, distorted blame, and misguided realms we have walked.
I believe to truly know the deep feminine aspects of ourselves until we can sit in the dark, sit in our shadow, and listen with an open heart. The feminine is longing to be heard, with wisdom and knowledge to break through ❤ and come rolling into us like a thunder roll over the hills.
The shadow is dark and can bring forth the night that brings forth the day.
Medicinalmeadows 