Medicinalmeadows

THE PLACE WITHIN


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Shadow Work

Shadow work takes on many different levels. I have been diving into my own shadow work for a number of years and although it can sound frightening, it has a multitude of benefits for self-care and self-soothing.

It has been a way to navigate my sensitivities when I sense restriction to my outer world. This comes into my awareness when I see myself holding back and blocking my experience of something. Through shadow work I can look into this tightening or holding, in a way that is not overwhelming or challenging, but more playful and expressive. It has been a way to expand a little and a little more, so I feel I can cope with the movements I choose to put into play.

Shadow work takes on many layers of depth, sometimes it is a little like sticking my head under the bed to take a look at what is hiding down there. Other times it is a deeper dive underground to come into an awareness of a bigger issue that has been following me around and I have recognised the patterning of when it keeps showing up. That could be as a number of traits for a few weeks or a pattern recycling itself over years.

Shadow work helps reveal the parts we repress, hide, ignore or dislike. It is defined as a way of deepening awareness of oneself. As Carl Jung describes it, shadow work is introspection made spiritual, it is the unknown dark side of our personality, it has been here all along.

The practice I am sharing with you today is one of those under the bed moments. It is a check in to identify my personality traits that I am unsure about, the things that I sometimes feel I repress, hide from the world as they are in my current view, that of the “unsociable” tendencies that I think I get labeled in a world of social norms and “acceptable” or “friendly” behaviours.

I have played with this practice, not just for my true nature but to observe the menstrual cycle. I am also curious at this time to question if this can be true to menopause too. Do we still have the cyclical traits of introvert and extrovert, like the dark moon and full moon even when the menses have stopped? This creates a whole different paradigm of shadow work. I understand that we move into shadow work or shadow traits in a hormonal flux. It is no coincidence that the drop in hormone levels in the pre-menstrual to menstruation phase even looks like an underground movement. In an observer role I am curious to see if this can be applied not just to pre-menstrual phases but non-menstrual times when we are looking and witnessing the self. Is my restriction due to a menopausal moon phase? If so is that rather radical that I can honour that still as a phenomenon, and what if it does really help me to see this way even when the world seems to view menopause as the great pause!

My main view is that I have identified a restriction inwardly in response to an outwardly condition. So this is how I begin;

List 5 things I consider about myself that I know to be my truth; I am;

  1. Introverted
  2. Quiet
  3. Sensitive
  4. Gentle
  5. Unassuming

Next write down; how could I expand these traits and how could I benefit;

  1. introverted – I see myself sitting back in a group, always going last not first. I could benefit from more community and conversation in a friendly safe space
  2. quiet – I feel I would be comfortable creating more noise in my own space, in private space. I have a wish to exercise my voice more, I could benefit by singing, chanting, mantras as a new practice to explore
  3. sensitive – I recognise when I need soothing for my nervous system, this is a good realisation. I want to revisit my soothing self-care practices and evaluate if they are still right for me
  4. gentle – I see gentle in two ways now, a dimenna and an action. I wish to know more about gentle power and physical power or stamina. I will experiment with my physical power. I want to exercise more and revisit yoga and strengthening exercises
  5. unassuming – to be seen in my own way. I am reflecting on the use of self-expression, the varieties of expression that are not only identified as speaker or voice only expressions of confidence. I am curious about expressive modalities, to channel my expression such as art, painting, drawing, creating.

I accept these traits I have and I love them, integrate them;

  1. I love my introverted intensity and see myself expand and contract according to my needs
  2. I love my quiet soft voice that I can exercise in soft toning, for new spiritual practices such as chants and mantras and prayer and develop a new connection to how I sound and then I can experiment in spaces with others in groups that share these soft expressions .
  3. I love my sensitivity as I know what I can do to soothe myself, my nervous system as and when it is needed, in ways that comfort me.
  4. I love my gentleness from this I can identify my power, my strength and my needs for rest.
  5. I love my unassuming nature, I explore an outward expression of my inward world through creativity, such as new art, drawings and imagery. I can call myself artistic and creative.

The benefit of these exercises, this shadow work is that it does reveal to me aspects that I had not previously considered. For me in this moment I am seeing that I have new paths to explore with chanting and voice work. They are still challenging to me, but they are more in alignment to my true nature and they have some feelings of excitement attached not dread. I can see from this moment that I am creative and have practices to help my expression. I have a need to explore strength and a somatic sense of strength not just an attitude which is a new light for me in this moment. I feel I am at peace when I am creativity, I am curious if this could help in other areas of my life that I am not yet aware of, I now see that this is something to explore.

I hope you have found my insights and personal perspectives interesting as an example of shadow work.

Inspired by the Vale of Shadow Alana Fairchild

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Solar heat at 49

In my 49 life I am I am experiencing anxiety. This anxiety and me have a history coupled with PTSD. Recently I don’t always know what my physical body is telling me. A mix of anxiety, grief, overwhelm and menopause. This is my story from this week.

I was setting off in the car to visit a relative in hospital. I got into the car, the temperature read 38 degrees, I felt sick, hot, was it just heat? was it a hot flush? or was it anxiety! My thoughts jumped from one to the other, the truth of it ( which came later) was that my body had remembered something.

I needed to get out of the car and feeling like a failure and disappointed at letting others down I had to just stop and “Get out of the car”! Soon after as I cooled down I realised that I know this feeling, this reaction, it is when the body remembers. It is remembering a date, a past situation or a trauma. My body was not only messaging me to take a break but signalling patterns into my awareness. The body remembers dates, places, and the places can reignite triggers and the triggers can “fire up” to remind us that something from the past needs attention. Just like a fire starting in the shadows of our internal cave growing stronger so we go back, look, witness that situation again. The “issue” is that it comes up uninvited, unawares but the body has this internal storage that seems to just remember without the mind being involved.

As I uncoiled just enough for me to remember and figure this all out. I can give myself a break.  At this time of 49 I am considering that these “anxious” remembrances or triggers are relating to the menopausal symptom called hot flushes. They are literally fired up in my face. The date of my “heatwave anxiety” corresponded to a past trauma that my mind had not acknowledged. My mind hadn’t connected to the date and place but the body did.

So what is a hot flush? At the time of a surge, are we actually in the spiritual sense going through a fiery upgrade?  Are we actually re-membering ourselves? By that I do mean collecting our bones, our divided parts, which have been lost over time. Are we pulling ourselves back together in a newly fashioned way, a mature way?

To me this was a good reminder that my mind may think it is taking the lead with the logical stuff but my body is attuned to all that has been and will continue to message me from spiritual to physical body as I go forwards. In the wise words of Caroline Myss, the greatest power we have within us is the position we energetically hold as our power station, the solar plexus. This is the intuitive energy centre that messages us from “gut instinct”, or intuitiveness. We all have the ability to connect to the gut instinct and sometimes this power centre messages us in stronger ways. Is the menopause really a firing up of the solar plexus, our solar energy? Is the gut instinct being attuned? This chakra centre as it is known is after all the centre of our personal power, the seat of our inner compass. If I am actually having a solar upgrade then surely this is a positive thing for my mature years ahead!

Maybe, just maybe what is occurring in my menopause years is a gathering of my inner ability to discern all around me to assert my personal power. If this is the metaphysical change to the wise elder, then baptism by heat to burn away the old and transition into a new relationship with selfhood is what is occurring. The soul lesson is forging our life force, literally by forge or force, or both, a consolidating of past and present as our personal identity in full acceptance. Maybe I need to remember that it is my shadow and my light that make Gold.