This 50 life is a change in the signposts of my being. At this time we are entering into the dark moon phase and I feel it, I deeply feel it.
At menopause I no longer have the last menses dotted in my diary as a clear indication of my follicular and luteal phases. But the lesson is right here, the paper notes, the digital calendar are not the messengers, my body is, I am embodying the phase.
This last week I felt the waning of the moon cycle. I was aware of the turning inward and had a welcome feeling to step down a level of commitment as I employed a new awareness, my body acknowledging the moon.
I felt the nudge, the communication of my body in relationship with the moon. It was like the strings of a musical instrument being tuned in to the flow of energy in direct response.
I am aware that this weekend the earth holds the women in turning inward. A time to rest, to give thanks for what has occurred in this moon cycle. An invitation to enter into a ritual of gratitude for was is, what was and let go of what is no longer needed. A time to reflect on the fullness that occured, the joy we received.
At the end of the dark nights 🌙 we begin to consider what newness to dream into being for the new cycle ahead. We have the ability to create again.
This is also the way of the elder, the wise woman, the women under the moon of menopause. We are welcomed to take the moon phases as our compass. With our feet meeting the earth, her body, our body, and our crown reaching to the moon. We are embodying the rhythms of our true nature for the generations ahead.
In my 50th year, my blog posts needed a title change, so I am now “my 50 life”…nope doesn’t have the same ring to it as “my 49 life!” So I need a rethink, or, I need a Pause!
The great Pause as it is now named, the great Pause, the Meno-Pause. I have been sitting with this word for the last week and it has this beautiful meaning to me of sinking my roots deep down into the earth beneath me. I think I may just be onto something here. This is the time to do less and practice, no, not even practice, I correct myself here, do nothing.
When have I ever done nothing? I think back to all the times in my life when I have done something, always done something. I have tried harder, worker longer, put in more, pushed, changed direction, persisted. But when I look back to those challenging times in my 50 years I can now see that at some point doing nothing would have been possible if not the most practical. This menopause to me has always been about life on review, it is the biggest reset point in my existence. And now I can see it most clearly that some of my embodied, arising signals are flashing the pause button.
Imagine you are sat, in a very big comfortable way, (use your own imaginal viewing to dress-this-up now!!!) watching some episodes of your life and in front of the screen is a big button, a pause button. How many times could that button have been pressed for a Pause? But get this, the Pause button isn’t just to pause then play, no, it is to Pause, step away. This I feel is the thread and pull to energetic fatigue I feel, what would happen if I pressed Pause and did sweet nothing? No finishing that book while I sit, no picking up the phone, no lists, no nothing, not even writing or thinking! It is an art to Pause, so join me, create Pause, “what are you doing today?” “Having a Pause”.
What if this is that one thing that is restorative?! That is the answer to the fatigue and exhaustion?! What if the body is wiser than the brain and is shouting just sit, pause and ground yourself right here and now. Put your energetic roots down and watch the grass grow. Big transitions need but spaces of nothingness, be an empty vessel, a hollow bone, allow the world to shine through you, not work from you. Just sit a while longer…..the sweetness of nothing needed, nothing required, nothing to be done.
The Ongo Book p. 29 by Catherine Cadden and Jesse Wiens
There is a sweet feeling, Pegging out the washing Watching my hands age along the line. This inner knowing Of the right way to hang the clothes. Maybe my Grandmothers are talking through me as I peg the next to the next. This pleasing practice, Embedded in my bones, Of the women, the wind, the dazzling sun. Did they have moments like this? Early morning dew in Spring? I imagine my lineage of women,peg to peg, listening to birdsong, looking at their own hands year after year. My line of coastal dwellers, Salty air, Swinging clothes in sunlight, Clothes of colours to old worn comforts. Seagulls hovering for a bit of bread, The dry lines and cold fingers, Their hands, My hands, Now look the same.
In my 49 life I am stressed and overwhelmed by the to-do-list, sometimes it is triggering. I am a carer, a wife, a sister, a friend, a holistic health practitioner and sometimes a spiritual artist. If I could spend my days meditating, crafting and napping oh I would! but this earthly existence has other ideas.
Wellbeingand Menopause Symptoms
I consider my wellbeing to be an internal garden, this requires nurturing, tending and not to be left un-managed. I am intuitive and seem to be crafting my way through this life so why wouldn’t menopause be any different. I have entered this mid-life phase feeling like my years of PMS have become the signs of my menopause. The fatigue, the overwhelm at the tasks for the day seem to make me sigh with heavy eylashes. I often wonder if the menstrual cycle of my earlier, maiden years was a signal to what I would be experiencing through menopause. What if PMS was “pre-menopause signalling”?
The fatigue seems to be the essential point of my feelings throughout my cycling years so no surprise it is the signal in my menopause. This fatigue seems to be the domino effect for the overwhelm and the stress. So I am looking deeper into this as my stating point, or my trigger point.
Menopause and Sleep Quality
Hormonal cycling expert Marilyn Glenville asks us to consider if sleep or lack of it is the cause, to look at our quality of sleep. If we have night sweats, are we waking up feeling hot and sweaty or waking up then getting hot and sweaty, the later relating to glucose dips in the night and so having more carbohydrates before bed. Another consideration is how nourished am I at the end of the day? Am I worried about the lists before bed or satisfied I have completed enough for one day to have a quiet mind to sleep?
Nourishment and Nutrition through the Menopause
When I think about how nourished and fulfilled I am in my day to day existence, my work, my responsibilities I am considering what really am I doing here on earth. Nourishment goes right to the root of the physical aspects and to the higher perspectives, (yes we are talking Maslow here!) I am asking myself if I am nutritionally nourished and soulfully nourished.
This week I have found that fatigue can be a lack of essential fatty acids, the Omegas. I can hear my mind re-routing right through the mackerel fish and seeds to the seeds within the mind (I am so esothetically focused!). It is like the universe is playing upon the need for the physical as well as the spiritual and this is where I am in menopause. We are talking duality between the form and the formless, I don’t think we can separate the physical from the spiritual as we go through menopause! And that is where the root of this thing called menopause comes thundering in. There is no ignoring this shake up in the midlife years, this shift needs and wants to be noticed, nourished even.
Omega, the Greek word for gender neutral has great significance when we speak about the menopause and the fact that the hormones that are essentially feminine and create a cyclical being within us are coming to an end. The Omega also means “the End”. It also has meaning in the word Roots, associated with fulfilment, death and personality traits for introverts, rooting downwards. You see you can’t make this up! Just look up the word Omega and you can see where this goes.
So this week I am considering my fatigue as the root of my overwhelm, and a need for some quiet time and some introverted nourishment of the senses. I have a need to feed my body with the omegas and to have some nourishment for my mind as well as my soul. As the night sky sets with softer hues, I need to prepare for sleep, no screens no tv, to nourish myself with introverted ways. A routine made up of soul nourishment for the end of the day, with meditation, prayer, movement, music and contemplation. And if fatigue arises by day, maybe I could respect the need and still opt for a nap too.
Medicinalmeadows 